I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
