I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
