How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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