The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i will never coherently bang her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
