I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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