WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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