I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
