You're so nebulous sometimes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
