So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
