I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
