just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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