4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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