Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
