just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
