His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
