in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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