I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I looked at my own cervix.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
