Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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