She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just had sex bonerless
only if we run a train.
done.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
