That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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