I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
