No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
