we have officially lost it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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