how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
