Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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