i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
