If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
