jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She bit a glass in half.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize