Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
