Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
