im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
