she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize