Im at strip club and am horny
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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