It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
