OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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