Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
