So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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