there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
