I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
