Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
