I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
