I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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