I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
