I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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