Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
