Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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