guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
