Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My feet surprised me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
