my mouth tastes like poor choices
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Still dying that you shit outside
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
