do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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