Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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