Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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