Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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