Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
