Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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