Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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