Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
