I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's never too late to be topless.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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