i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
