i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
