I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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