I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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