I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
