those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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