i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need moral support for this bender
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
