seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
