If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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