Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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