I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
