I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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