I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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