I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
