hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
